TRIP TOO TRIPPY

Let’s set the scene, folks. KKMC Hostel, Davangere. The air reeks of Old Monk rum, unwashed lab coats, and the existential dread of freshers like Shaggy. Ragging season—a "sacred tradition" where seniors morph into dictators and juniors into unpaid bartenders.

The rules? Simple! Among many restrictions, there were rituals that were to be observed during the said 3-month period, some of which are that we could only drink old-monk rum for the entirety of the ragging period, we weren’t supposed to drink while the seniors were drinking (only peg-prep) was the duty we could fulfill and if the gathering involved a more… Ayur Vedic approach .. We were only allowed to make them meds (wink, wink) but not write a prescription for ourselves.

Now on a rainy Thursday evening post his medical duties at the college he is asked to report back to the seniors HQ for … “puja” purposes. Upon reaching there shaggy studiously assumes his pose of and job as, on the floor bed and proceeds to start putting the present pujaris to shame with his “art-of-rolling” different shapes, varied sizes; the prasad he offered up to them crowd, bewildered the puny mortals in the room, His joints weren’t just joints—they were art. Heart-shaped, spiral-twisted, even a mini-Eiffel Tower. once the shapes of the joint curiously question him about his style and secret ..which he wholeheartedly explained that his inner designer (Van Gogh of Ganja) designed them, OMG, they thought we have an artist here!! “Ye toh phool aur paper ko leke Insta-wali girlfriend ke liya bouquet banaadi?"  …  It was time, they thought, time to kick the ass of the inner artist so he doesn’t “art” no more, RIP, Van Gogh of Ganja. Post the butt restructuring … our artist quietly resorted to making aam-aadmi joints.

When Lady Fate, however, decides she needs some amusement, she dons her finest party hat and sets off on a fantastical trip, making everyone laugh and gasp in her wake... "Everything was lined up perfectly for the chaos to erupt!!!"—the phrase used to describe the state of affairs when planets, stars, and those annoying coincidences are gently pushed into a wonderfully chaotic line.

Shaggy is the kind of guy who’s perpetually lost, like a sock in a dryer, yet somehow manages to be everywhere at once, especially since the whole “artistic restructuring” fiasco – After a thorough butt-kicking from reality, he figured it was better to be in the “NOW”!! When he couldn’t help but overhear his seniors talking, especially the words maal, maarna, and Sulekere.

Now, let’s hit the pause button for a moment and dive into the wildly thrilling world of why education and linguistic skills are not just important but absolutely, positively, undeniably crucial… like finding a clean pair of socks on laundry day! Maal and maarna—now that’s a combo that any Hindi speaker would recognise! Maal= contraband, and Maarna = hit that shit!!!, Well, but let’s not forget the source of this linguistic gold: a chap from up north, for whom Hindi is about as familiar as a cat at a dog show. And here’s the kicker—any Hindi speaker worth their salt knows that maal can also mean fairer sex ka A-1 specimen! So, when you hear “maarna”, it’s not just about the contraband; it’s about hitting that shit!!! For the lack of a better analogy.

Talk about a double entendre more layered than a Bollywood plot twist! In a completely different universe, Shaggy's head would be like a flock of confused pigeons, but in this Marvel-esque universe, his brain and his unparalleled math skills, maal+maarna = 2 Ladoos going off like fireworks—literally, “Mind-Blasting yaar”!

After wrapping up his culinary escapades, he dashes back to his room, where his roommate, the mysteriously quirky Om-Prakash—who we’ll just call OP because, let’s face it, typing that full name is a workout for my fingers—awaits him! So, he casually checks in with OP, asking if he’s ever heard of this mysterious place called Sulekere. And lo and behold, OP lights up like a Christmas tree and says, “Oh, absolutely! The seniors flock there!” 

HOUSTON, WE HAVE CONFIRMATION!!!

He then launches into the senior’s queue like it’s the hottest new trend, reciting word for word, and OP responds with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for finding a forgotten slice of pizza in the fridge—'Yea!!' “Sexy Maal Miltha hai vahan pe, hum maar sakthe hai” – now not to colour our poor shaggy in anyway bad but his un-universal translator translated that to: ” Bro, Chicks Galore!!! You bang; she bangs…we all bang!!!” Add to this translation the beaming face of OP and the smirk he said it with … Shaggy is sold, yo! “Fucking Hell bro !!!” celebrated Shaggy; his legs hadn’t touched the ground yet and Shaggy Ocean started drawing up plans for the greatest trip… confirmed from OP that they had visited the place earlier and then wallowed in disappointment for 30 minutes since they had gone without taking or telling him the last time; on reaching a compromise, the usual suspects decided Saturday post practical at noon … …they roll!!! 

HOUSTON, WE ARE GO FOR LAUNCH!!!!!!

As the sun rises on yet another day, our fearless adventurers find themselves staring down the barrel of D-Day. Shaggy, with all the seriousness of a cat in a dog park, gathers his ragtag team— our hero Shaggy practically drooled with excitement. And lo and behold, the universe decided to throw him a bone—his chance to dive headfirst into the chaos! Who knew adventure could be just a snack away? So, picture this: during the call, our hero casually drops the bombshell that he’ll be about 20 minutes late because of signoffs from the H.O.D.s – like a scavenger hunt, but with more paperwork and fewer snacks. He tells the guys to start without him, assuring them he’ll be there just 20 minutes after they kick things off. Weird, they thought, as all of them had gone to get the sign-offs together. nah, nothing to worry about, they thought; he would be there with them in no time … Nothing to worry about at all.

Fast forward 1 hour and 8 minutes: Shaggy is zooming down the highway like a caffeinated squirrel, his eyes peeled for the landmark that will guide him to a left turn towards the lake, and…… !! Oh, did I just forget to sprinkle in the Sulekere part of the story? How could I? It's like baking a cake and forgetting the frosting—OMG, just hold your horses for a hot minute while I stumble through this delightful mess of a conundrum… Ah, Sulekere! The lake that’s as famous in Davangere as a celebrity chef’s secret ingredient. It’s a delightful mashup of “sule”, which means courtesan, and “kere”, which means tank. Now, when you hear “sule”, think of the kind of courtesan who’s not just charming but also has a business plan—let’s call her the “honey for money cavalier”. And wouldn’t you know it, our friend Shaggy was well-acquainted with this particular brand of slang, which is basically the Kannada equivalent of a “Ho!” So, when it came time to confirm Houston for the launch, it’s no wonder he was all in; after all, who wouldn’t want to dive into those waters of miscommunication? Splash-tastic!

Alright, folks, let’s hit the pause button on my rambling! Back to our shaggy-haired hero, the eagle-eyed wonder, who’s about to pull off a turn so smooth it could make a butter stick jealous. And just like that, he lands right on the pre-planned spot! As he rolls up, he spots OP and a couple of others loitering by the banyan tree at the lakeside. Upon arriving at their side, he asks for a site rep, to which OP responds with a grin that the others are on their way, bringing the “maal” like it’s the hottest delivery in town!

“On their way here? Ladki ko leke??!! Yahaan?!!!” asks Shaggy. “Yeah,” OP cracks, but then you can practically see the gears grinding in his head as he asks, “Ek minute…ladki?… Kaunsi ladki?” – like he just stumbled into a poultry convention! Now Shaggy is scratching his head, utterly baffled and a tad annoyed that OP is strutting around like he has never encountered a lady before… So, after a myriad of unwritable and unbelievable exchanges of theories and dialogue and God knows what, OP and Shaggy finally untangle that wild web of Disney, ka-woke, fiasco-type confusion.

Let’s just halt proceedings here for now and fast forward … umm, say, 4 hours

There’s Shaggy’s crew chilling in his room. Suddenly, OP strolls in, “Hey, how was the trip? Where’s the Shaggster?” They ask, but rather than an answer, they get a wild fit of laughter as soon as his name is mentioned; the guys scramble to catch him before he takes a nosedive from the laughter, bombarding him with questions. He says, “Shaggy will be back in a jiffy; he just had to handle a little business,” says OP, fighting for breath, and then, with the enthusiasm of a kid at a candy store, he whips out his phone and looks at them. “How was the trip?? Well…see for yourselves.”

As they sift through the gallery, it becomes painfully clear that in every single picture, Shaggy is striking poses that scream, "WTF is wrong with this idiot?” There he is, sitting pretty with one leg crossed over the other, looking all regal like he’s about to be crowned the Queen of England. Meanwhile, everyone else is striking the classic “bro” pose, flexing. But our guy? He’s got his fingers up in a peace sign, as if to say, “I come in peace, but my torso? That’s a whole different story!” It’s like he’s trying to hide his buckle from the camera. It was honestly hilarious how Shaggy’s poses took a turn for the bizarre—seriously, what’s next, yoga on a rollercoaster? 

Of course, they had to ask… because who wouldn’t want to dive headfirst into the deep end of awkwardness? So Ibru glances up at OP, “Bro, eh toh Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham Rahul type dhikr aha hai??” and just like that, OP bursts into laughter again… And amid all that giggling, he somehow manages to spill the beans ….

Well, my dear readers … Remember that part where our man Shaggy was fashionably late by 20 minutes? Well, our Casanova of a friend took a slight detour and made the bold decision that if he’s going to party, he’s going to do it like it’s the groovy 70s! GROO-VAY PAR-TAY!!! Our champ rolls into the pharmacy like he’s on a mission and grabs & downs a “Happy Pill” like it’s a shot.

30 Minutes Later:

The pill hit faster than the Kerala monsoon. Shaggy’s bloodstream became a Bhangra party. His hands trembled on the handlebars. Glowing? His jeans felt tighter than a dhoti at a Punjabi wedding.

HOUSTON…… WE HAVE LIFT-OFF.

After a solid 30-40 minutes of pure shenanigans and his excitement bubbling over like a shaken soda… And most definitely stirred by the “exciting times” to come ahead, you could practically see the joy radiating off him !! let’s just say the pill hit the nail on the head!!! Quite literally!!!!! And those awkward poses? That’s when the Pose-tronaut realized 

Aw, shit!!!! HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM …. Humongous Problem

They were just his desperate attempt to blend in with the scenery while sporting a rather enthusiastic “pitched tent”. It was the Kamasutra of photography, I tell you. The Lotus Position (legs folded, hands in prayer—“Namaste, boner!”), Backward Crab (torso twisted 180 degrees, face screaming internally), and The Invisible Chair (squatting mid-air, praying gravity wouldn’t betray him), spoiler alert, gravity did!

It got so bad that the folks in the shop on the way back were convinced he was shoplifting, and his pants were stuffed ... well, technically they were, but not what or how they thought it had taken place.

Imagine this, if you will: a mob of angry folks chasing after a guy who’s desperately trying to explain in a language that sounds like he’s mocking them in a broken local dialect, that he wasn’t stealing but, in fact, was a happy accident…

Oh, I should also maybe mention —the person who spotted this “crime”? Yep, it’s the shop owner’s 12th-grade daughter, probably just trying to impress her friends with her detective skills! To this day, I can't help but imagine the awkward conversation that unfolded with the shopkeeper about that little "situation. "I mean, how do you even start?" Excuse me, sir, this is all but a misunderstanding … I mean, what she thought she saw was in actuality my ………………………………” I have tried piecing this bit together … Sadly, my head stops at the exact same point, with him going, “Oh, fuck!”

Shaggy returned at dawn, pants sagging, dignity in tatters. The hostel buzzed:

"Shaggy ne Sulekere ka kund banaya!"